By Vicki Jo Radovsky
Submitted by ReJoys2

Talking With Tony DANZA:
“I Tried, But I Wasn’t A Good Father”

“Growing up, my son Marc got cheated in a lot of ways because, when he was born, I was only 19,” says Danza, whose 18-year-old son from his first marriage lives with him and his second wife. Now the father of a 22-month-old daughter, Katie, Danza says he’s a much better dad this time around.

By Vicki Jo Radovsky

Tony Danza stands in the sunny kitchen of his Malibu, California, beach house with his 22-month-old baby, Katie, tucked under his arm and a friendly grin on his face. Wearing only gray athletic shorts, he’s slim but muscular, with a “Keep on Truckin’ ” tattoo emblazoned across his bulging right bicep. Deeply tanned and sporting a beard flecked with gray, the actor, who turns 38 in April and who’s now in his fifth season on Who’s the Boss?, appears content and well-rested from a summer spent relaxing with his family.
A devoted husband to his second wife, Tracy Robinson, 30, whom he married in June 1986, the former ladies’ man seems to have discovered the pleasures of a solid family life. Besides Katie, Danza is also a doting father to his son, Marc, 18, from his first marriage to his college sweetheart. Indeed, Danza seems to have gone from hothead to homebody without missing a beat.
A former New York City bartender and amateur boxer, Danza was discovered by a TV producer and brought to Hollywood in 1978. Months later he won the role of hard-luck boxer Tony Banta on the hit series Taxi. When the show went off the air five years later, he struggled for a year before landing the role of macho maid Tony Micelli on Who’s the Boss?
This month, Danza stars on the big screen in Daddy’s Little Girl, in which he plays radio executive Doug Simpson, a windowed father bewildered by his daughter’s transition from wallflower to teenage temptress.
As he sits on his sun deck overlooking the Pacific Ocean, Danza, the son of Italian immigrants, seems truly to appreciate his good fortune. Self-assured and not afraid to laugh at himself, it seems that the feisty guy with the formerly short fuse no longer has the need to prove anything.

REDBOOK: Do you identify with your role in Daddy’s Little Girl?

DANZA: Now that I have Katie, it’s very easy for me to relate to this role even though she’s so young. I’m sure that having a daughter and watching her go from sitting on your lap, to growing up, to saying, “Good night, Dad, I’m going out with this guy,” must be traumatic. Becoming the father of a baby girl is almost like God saying to me, “Hey pal! You had a good time, remember? Now you’re in trouble!”

REDBOOK: Speaking of having a good time, was it difficult for you to make the transition from ladies’ man to faithful husband?

DANZA: I think it’s important to get your fill of sowing your wild oats, because you don’t ever want to feel that you didn’t experience enough. I was nineteen when I got married for the first time, and I hadn’t sown any oats. A lot of guys in that position find themselves thinking, after they settle down with a woman, that maybe there’s somebody better around the corner. Well I’ve been around that corner, and there ain’t nothing better there! Now I’m just so different. I went from constantly checking out this woman and that woman in bars, to thinking about life.
I think that, by nature, I am a monogamous guy. My Aunt Frances in New York used to always say to me, “I see you on talk shows, saying that you want to get married, and I don’t believe it. Who are you kidding?” But I really wanted to find and marry the right girl. And the bottom line is that Tracy is the right girl. I know that.

REDBOOK: How did you and Tracy meet?

DANZA: Her best friend, Lois, happened to be married to my good friend, Ronnie, and I used to go with Lois and Ronnie to different functions. I’d see Tracy, and I liked her right away-I was very attracted to her. She was dating this guy, however, so I’d slip her pieces of paper that said, “Come on, cheat!” I’d never done that before-I don’t usually fool around with anybody else’s girlfriend-but I was really crazy about Tracy.
This went on for a long time-we’re talking four years-and Tracy would never go out with me. Finally, Tracy broke up with her boyfriend and started dating other guys. I heard about it and was really mad. Then I finally got her to go out with me-and I started talking marriage on the first date, which was really out of character for me. But it didn’t bother me-I kind of liked it. It was a weird feeling…it was like I chased and chased and chased Tracy-and then she let me catch her.

REDBOOK: How is Tracy different from other women you’ve dated?

DANZA: Tracy is special. Besides being outwardly beautiful, she’s really beautiful inside. I really think I got lucky. (Laughs) I think I also scammed her! For the five weeks we dated until we got engaged, I was on my best behavior and made her think that’s the way it was always going to be. Then we got married and I showed her what I was really like! I don’t think she knew what she was getting herself into.
Sometimes I feel bad for Tracy because I’ve got a million things on my mind all the time. I wake up in the middle of the night worrying. Tracy wasn’t like that, and, well, now she is. That makes for a lot of stress, but she handles it well. A lot of guys get married and you hear how they straightened themselves out. I just needed to want to straighten out, and Tracy has given me that. She’s the center-the light of my life.

REDBOOK: Would you say that Tracy “tamed” you?

DANZA: I hate the word “tamed.” When I met Tracy, I just sort of “woke up.” She has shown me that it’s more fun to live life relaxed, as opposed to living in ten-minute stretches. She’s given me some kind of a center. Now, I love life a lot more than I did. I just want to live my life now, as opposed to worrying about it. Life is really great and I should take time to enjoy it.
Before I met Tracy, I used to read about all these other actors making movies, and it would bother me. I don’t want to say I was jealous, but I compared myself to them and worried about my career. Tracy has shown me that my career isn’t the most important thing in life, and that if I don’t press so hard, things usually work out. She’s helped me realize that I don’t need to do every project. (Pauses) I think I would have been a bachelor forever if it weren’t for Tracy. Knowing her now the way I do, I don’t think there’s any other woman who could put up with me. I can say unequivocally that there’s no other woman I’d want to be with. It’s wonderful to be happily married.

REDBOOK: Your son, Marc, has been living with you for five years. How has your marriage affected your relationship with him?

DANZA: It has made my relationship with Marc so much better. Tracy has had such a leveling effect on me that my behavior is much more consistent. When Marc wakes up in the morning now, he knows what to expect from me. Before I met Tracy, my behavior depended on how late I had been out the night before. Tracy adds to my relationship with Marc. They really get along well-she loves him, he loves her. When he can’t talk to me, he talks to her.

REDBOOK: Your daughter, Katie, was born in May 1987. Did you enjoy the experience of assisting with her delivery?

DANZA: (Laughs) Oh yeah! When Tracy went into labor, I videotaped her all the way to the hospital. When we got there, I switched to audiotape because I didn’t want to remember the birth that good! It’s a beautiful tape because you hear everything, and it brings up all these tremendous memories of the baby being born. I really did help Tracy. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever, ever, ever been through. I immediately sent flowers to my mother because I realized, “Holy Jesus! Childbirth is tough!”

REDBOOK: Do you want more children?

DANZA: Yes. Tracy and I want to wait until Marc graduates from high school so that we don’t throw millions of kids at him. He’s really great with Katie, but I think he deserves some attention, too. My real purpose in life now is trying to be a good dad, but that wasn’t always the case. Before Tracy came along, I had my own agenda, and sometimes, even though I tried to be a good father, I wasn’t. Growing up, Marc got cheated in a lot of ways because, when he was born, I was only nineteen. My ex-wife would say, “Look how cute he is,” and I’d say, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Call me later. I’ll be at the bar.” I really wasn’t into being a father.

REDBOOK: What qualities do you want to instill in your children?

DANZA: A lot of things-character, responsibility, lack of prejudice, the ability to stand up for themselves and to be independent-to be good people.

REDBOOK: Do you believe in sheltering your children or exposing them to everything?

DANZA: Both. I’d like to think Marc is able to experience whatever he wants, but within limits. It’s hard for kids to “just say no” because they want to experiment. I try to make Marc understand that there are some things he’s got to learn about through my mistakes.
In some ways that’s unfair, because I’m telling him, “Do as I say, not as I do.” When he was 15, for example, I wasn’t married and I was still running around. I’d love to say that I changed my ways the minute he was born, but I didn’t. I really wish I had, but I didn’t. But I think Marc knows I love him.
I’m a tough parent, but my real aim is to show my son love and respect and to guide him through the minefield of youth.

REDBOOK: You’ve described yourself as a wild, tough kid with a history of getting in trouble, yet you seem to have a strong sense of right and wrong. Isn’t this a contradiction?

DANZA: No, I think those qualities are compatible. A street-fighting tough guy is a guy who stands up and says, “This is what I stand for, and I’m willing to say so.” If it causes a fight, well, that’s the breaks, and I’m ready for it. I’d love to be more diplomatic-and I’m getting there. It’s a growth process; it happens as you mature.

REDBOOK: In 1984 you were convicted of assaulting a security guard while drinking in a New York City restaurant. You were sentenced to 250 hours of community service. What was that experience like?

DANZA: That’s a perfect example of turning a bad experience into a wonderful one, and I learned a lot from it. I got in a fight, I went to jail, it was all over the papers. It was just horrible. I did my community service as an activities director in a home for the aged, and I never had a better time. I met wonderful people, and they changed my life. We did exercises, we sang, we’d go bowling. Bowling was great, but it wasn’t easy. You had to get everybody in line-in their wheelchairs. Then you’d set up the pins. Then you’d put the person in position. Then you’d help them aim and push the ball, and they’d knock the pins down. Then you’d set up the pins again. But during this entire time, you couldn’t stop talking or they’d fall asleep!

REDBOOK: Is it true that you are as accomplished at cooking and cleaning in real life as you are in your role on Who’s the Boss?

DANZA: Yeah. My mother used to say she’d put me up against any woman for cleaning, and I’m not talking just surface cleaning-I mean corners! My brother and I weren’t allowed out on Saturday until the house was clean-I mean bathrooms! We’re talking getting down and scrubbing! And because we couldn’t go out till the cleaning was done, my brother and I devised ways to do it fast, so not only are we good cleaners, we’re also the fastest cleaners in the world!
And I love to cook, especially tomato sauce. Cooking is wonderful therapy because, when I’m cooking, I get a little break from all those other things that are constantly on my mind.

REDBOOK: What are your personal goals?

DANZA: I want to be a good father. I want to put in some “good behavior” time. I want to be a good person. That’s what really counts. All the TV shows and movies in the world don’t matter if you’re not a good person. (Laughs) And that’s not to say I don’t have my work cut out for me! But I think I can do it. I have good people around me, especially my wife and my kids. A lot of times you need that encouragement as an impetus to be the best you can be. (Pauses) I don’t want to sound like an Army commercial…Any minute we’ll break into a John Philip Sousa march!

REDBOOK: In what direction do you want your career to go?